Feelings when divorced spouse starts dating
I just received an email last week, saying, “Sadly, I was one of those people who believed with all my heart that God has only one person for me to marry. I believed it was God’s will for me to marry my husband. Based on all the things you outlined in The Sacred Search, my husband and I should not have gotten married.” Here’s what I’m going to insist on: Just because you think God wants you to marry one particular person, doesn’t mean He does.And just because God doesn’t “stop” you from marrying someone doesn’t mean He agrees with you that it’s a wise decision (he didn’t “stop” a lot of people from robbing banks who are even now serving time in prison). He will be with you every second of that marriage, giving you the grace of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit to live by your decision, but He has stated in His word that it is your decision, so it is risky to assume otherwise.To a woman who was abused by her dad and then married an abusive husband, I’d say, with a pastoral heart, “You were deeply sinned against and hurt.The kind of man you felt ‘comfortable’ with, because of your upbringing, wasn’t good for you, so you chose a man who continued your father’s practices.That higher sex drive translates, among other things, into being more direct with men.The more mature women may be interested in dating a younger guy out of sheer curiosity of what it feels like dating someone younger, and also because usually younger guys are more “agile,” active, energetic.
Presuming that some mystical leaning you’ve received overrides a clear biblical teaching is always risky and often foolish (regardless of how many times God seems to subjectively “confirm” this call; after all, God objectively said something very different in Scripture). To move forward, we have to own up to our choices—why we made them and how to be responsible in the face of them.
“We’ve only been married for three years but it has been the worst three years of my life. And what frustrates me so much is that God confirmed that I was supposed to marry him, ten times over.” You could have served the bitterness in her voice to a thousand people.